Next year I am getting a flu shot

Oriental two-minute noodles!
In my flu-addled state
I can’t tell if that’s racist
or just correct
and I don’t want to be racist
(even though I am very tired
because that’s only acceptable if you’re Collingwood
and I’m Sydney
since 1996
until they repeal the No Dickheads policy
or I die
whichever is last)

but I do like to be correct
and it does say “oriental” on the packet
so I guess I’ll go with it
and let Maggi take the rap

Oriental two-minute noodles!
You take longer than two minutes to cook
and you’ve changed the instructions
I swear the packet used to tell me
to boil up the noodles
and then add the flavour sachet
and then drain off the broth
I mean–
what’s the point of that?
Which explains why you changed the instructions
I guess

I have evolved too
I used to add tinned peas
now I add frozen peas
it’s cheaper
and produces less waste

Oriental two-minute noodles!
I used to enjoy you
for breakfast before primary school
for lunch at uni
and now
for dinner
when I have the flu
which is now

Oriental two-minute noodles!
I have a confession
I have been cheating on you
with Fusian soy and mild spice
they’re not the same
but they’re all that Coles Wingham had
I have the flu
and couldn’t make it to Taree
especially after I accidentally went to Vinnies
and accidentally bought some ankle boots
they’re nice
I like them a lot
but they couldn’t get me to Taree

maybe next week
if I’m feeling better
did I mention
I have the flu?

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