This applies to blog posts as well

How I expect normal people do the vaccing:

  • decide to do the vaccing
  • pick up everything on the floor
  • get out vac and plug it in
  • vac lounge, bedroom, kitchen (we live in a small flat)
  • unplug vac and put it away

The Shelby method:

  • decide to do the vaccing
  • two days later: decide to do the vaccing
  • one day later: decide I really must do the vaccing
  • next morning: stand in the kitchen vaguing out for ten minutes before realising I haven’t taken my tablets
  • make a pot of tea
  • take my tablets
  • have a game of Two Dots
  • have another game of Two Dots
  • run out of lives on Two Dots
  • notice shoes on the floor, remember I was going to vac
  • pick up slippers, take them into bedroom
  • go through pile of clothes in the corner of the bedroom; discover a jacket to wash, one cardigan to wear and two to take to Vinnies, and a surfeit of summer dresses
  • put dresses on the bed so I can go through them and decide which ones to keep
  • look for the take-to-Vinnies bag so I don’t have to start a new one
  • start a new one anyway
  • go through the boxes underneath the clothes, looking for the printer cable and the batteries
  • find the batteries!
  • have another game of Two Dots
  • find the take-to-Vinnies bag, which is full, so I’d have had to start a new one anyway
  • pick up the rest of the shoes, put them on the chair
  • get out vac
  • pick up the rest of the stuff on the floor, pile it on the couch
  • look up Australia’s population density
  • trip over vac
  • plug in vac
  • start another game of Two Dots; fling phone metaphorically away; get grip on myself
  • vac lounge room
  • vac bedroom
  • get briefly distracted by the dresses on the bed; talk to myself sternly
  • vac kitchen
  • vac kitchen again just to make sure
  • turn vac off
  • start tidying the kitchen table
  • wonder where the electricity bill went
  • look for electricity bill
  • trip over vac
  • unplug vac and put it away
  • go to pour a cup of tea, realise I never actually put any water in the teapot
  • remake tea, wash up, take the bin out, finish game of Two Dots, etc.
  • three hours later: move everything off the couch
  • twelve and a half hours later: move the dresses off the bed and back to the pile in the corner so I can go to bed
  • two days later: decide I probably ought to vac tomorrow

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